A new life

Tonight I had a "ladies night out" because Daddy was kind enough to watch and feed the kids on short notice. Of course "ladies night out" involves shopping at a Children's Used Clothing Sale for toys and clothes for our children and then going out for appetizers and talking about our children and children-to-be. While we were out we found out about a friend who just had her first baby yesterday morning.

I remember after Luke was born, a lady from church brought over some food and held Luke and asked how things were going and if he was healthy. Thinking it was a somewhat odd question, I told her we were a bit concerned because he was mildly jaundiced. And the lady said, "oh that's nothing! He's healthy. Praise the Lord!" (or something to that effect). It had never really occurred to me that my baby could be anything other than healthy and that I would ever really have a major ailment to worry about.

Well, this little (though once again over 9 lbs!) boy that was born yesterday is having some major issues right now. When his mom went into the hospital (after being sent home the night before) his heart rate was 60 (most babies at birth have heart rates around 130 or so). Shortly after that they lost his heart rate completely and he was taken out by a very quick emergency c-section. No heart rate at birth and it took 10 minutes, but they revived him. He was sent to Saskatoon and things seemed to be looking up, he was looking at his dad and responding to him, and then this morning he started having a few seizures.

Now, maybe it's because I've just held my own 9lb newborn only months ago, but when I think about a little new baby having seizures, it just makes me cry. You can say the word "seizure" and be flippant about it, but when you think of a little body going through that (never mind, the fear of what is causing them), it's heartbreaking.

As soon as I told Marc about this he said we needed to pray, and we did. Later, as I was doing the dishes, I started thinking about this little guy. How God made him. How God loved him. But more than that, how God could save him. You know, He's powerful enough. It wouldn't be much to fix this baby's heart, heal up a few brain cells. No big deal. Then it hit me why people get so mad at God. Because it's true. God could absolutely heal this baby. (I don't really want to get into a debate about free will and determinism here, though...) And maybe He will, and maybe He won't.

But then my thoughts went on to the idea that maybe God does not necessarily want this baby to have life (or a long life, at least). I started to think about the miscarriage that we had last year. Even though it happened very early on, it was still a hard thing to go through -- horrible, really... horribly sad. Actually the thing that made me the most sad (though it was really the happiest thing out of it all) was the hope that there was a little baby up in heaven who'd be waiting to meet its mom and dad someday. (It still makes me cry.) And I know it's a completely ludcrious thought, but sometimes I think that all of the miscarriages and stillbirths that happen are God's way of "stocking up" heaven with beautiful little babies. I know it doesn't make sense, but still there is that hope that these tragic events do not ultimately end tragically.

But for right now, that kind of philosophizing and speculation does not make a set of new parents feel any better. So, before you close my site tonight, would you say a prayer for baby Nicholas and his mom and dad? For life. For hope. For peace in all circumstances.