Friday, July 29, 2005

Sh!t Happens!

Luke has been constipated for a "solid" (pun slightly intended) week now. He has had two small poops since last Saturday. So tonight when he was grunting on my lap while Marc and I were working on my new website I was quite excited. Until I looked down. Yes, that's right. A trail of stinky, week-old, slightly pruny smelling baby poo had slithered all the way down my shorts, part of my leg, on the leg of the chair and into a rather sizeable pool on the floor below us. (Thank goodness we have one of those "plastic" mats you put under rolling computer chairs!) Marc burst out laughing and said he wanted to take a picture -- too bad the memory card was full (although we have been known to take pictures of exceptionally funny poo incidents with Madeline), and Luke of course was completely oblivious and jabbering away happily.

I think this may actually outdo the other poo story from two weekends ago. I had just returned from the gym in my new soccer shorts that I had got at Sportchek the day before (because you have to look good to work out). Now, they're soccer shorts, and maybe they're for boys, I don't know, but they have the underwear already in them. Well, I was nursing Luke in Marc's (well, I'm the one who always sits in it...) big leather recliner when all of a sudden I felt something warm and wet when I put my hand on Luke's back. I called Marc over from the computer for a "leakage issue". Well, I did not know the of half it -- or even an eighth of it! Marc's instantaneous laugh when he got to the chair revealed that yes, there was indeed a pool of Luke's poo settled nicely between my legs, soaking through the new shorts, the underwear shorts, and my own underwear. Very nice feeling indeed!

There ends the first edition (with certainly many more to follow) of "The X-crement Files".

Oh ya, and he did barf all the way down my leg after we got he and I changed tonight! But, for more tales of tonight's whoas, read the post I just did about the monitor!

Oh the humanity! Part II (aka Monitor - Part II)

Well, a week or two back I posted about leaving the monitor on, as you'll recall. Well, the plot thickens. Actually, the plot not only thickens, it hardens into an enormous brick, unstoppable, and being thrown at my head.

I walk into the house tonight, coming back from the gym, and Marc asks how long it has been since I've been in the backyard. I say, mildly embarrassed (because of the state of the weeds in my garden), that it was last Friday -- one full week. To which Marc tells me that the monitor was on when he went outside tonight. Now we normally bring it in every night or every time we're in for good from the garden -- apparently not last week, however. Although it was tipped over so the speaker was facing the deck, the volume was still quite high. And although the monitor base is in Luke's room, I've heard Madeline's shows that she watches in our bedroom and talking in the hallway and bathroom (as the door to Luke's room is usually open).

Yes, that's right. Basically every noise (day and night -- if you catch my drift) that has occurred within the south wing (not that a 900 square foot house can have "wings") of the Vandersluys household has been boldly broadcast to our neighbourhood for a full seven days!

Hmmm... I thought our back neighbours just didn't recognize us at the park the other day. Maybe they were just avoiding us?!

Needless to say, Marc has decided that we should now have the monitor by the kitchen window instead of actually outside.

Do I post like a brunette or a red head?

Well, Marc and I are soon going to be starting on my own domain. Much to the chagrin of blogspot, I'm sure. I'm excited about the new site and being able to make it my own. I'm going to post pictures of the family, the kids, etc. And I think I'm even going to put a really cool family picture taken at Moraine Lake on the banner. But before I do that I need to know...

Do I post like a brunette or a red head or a blonde? I'm not sure how many of you that read this have never met or seen pictures of me, but if you haven't (like Raven, for example), from what you've read, what do you think I look like? Short? Tall? Thin? Fat? Tanned? Pale? etc. I'm curious, and want to know before I get the new site up with the pictures.

Hey, we could even do it for each other! I still think Raven is Raven Simone (Olivia from the Cosby Show), except I know she's not five. Actually, I think of her as average to tall height with medium length brown hair. I know everyone else who comments, but why don't we have fun guessing what we all look like? It could be fun, and only mildly offensive!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Random Thoughts on Life

Everyone always comments about the similarities between babies and the elderly: the drooling, the diapers, the slurred/incomprehensible speech, etc., etc., etc. But with the amount of walking we did on our holidays this one really came to mind:

At what point do children learn to look where their going, instead of walking forward with their head turned to the side, and at what age to people unlearn to look behind them when their backing out of parking lots and driveways?

Crap.

Madeline just ran into the kitchen moments ago saying, quite frantically:
"Mommy, I can't find my crap anywhere!!!"
Followed by "I need my crap... Have you seen my crap."
I asked her what her "crap" was, and of course she "doesn't know".
I'll keep you posted.

10:27am UPDATE:
Well, she wouldn't let me shower until I found her crap.
I asked what colour it was. "Red."
Then she said it had eyes and a nose and a mouth.
Then it dawned on me, she got a crab with her new bath toys yesterday, and the crab was underneath a Jysk flyer that I had set on the ground, after Madeline had told me she wanted to look at it.
I said "Is this your crap?" And the mystery was solved. Another crap-sis averted!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Playing Doctor and Veneral Diseases

Sorry. I have a whole bunch of posts that are in the works that are taking too long to get together...

So, here are a few random funnies to appease you guys (Raven!! -- it's nice to know I'm missed).

Madeline wanted to "play doctor" today, after seeing some kids do it on a CBC cartoon. So we scoured Walmart and Superstore for a "Dr. Halyk kit" (our family doctor). After having no luck at those places, my mom found one at the Co-op. There was a stethoscope, tongue depressor, glasses, what I'm convinced is something to pee in (but I think it's meant to hold instruments!!) and a needle. I was "disappointed" that there was no instruments for a certain "feminine" procedure, but I did teach her to say "turn and cough" to cover the male end of medicine. (My mom will truly be horrified!!) At first she called the needle a "noodle", but then after a while she was going around insisting that I needed a "nipple". She was really getting quite upset that I didn't want the nipple she was wanting to administer to me!!

And I thought I'd mention the bizarre names that Madeline gives to her dolls: Gopiana, Gonina, and of course, the name she has given any princess-tinkerbell-looking girl since she was about 19 months old: Hunnaria. Say it out loud. I don't think we ever discussed STDs with her at that age, so she must have quite the imagination!!

Friday, July 22, 2005

Monitor

I imagine my neighbours are having a good laugh right now.

I was in the garden this morning and have the monitor out there so I can hear when Luke wakes up. Well, I thought the phone was ringing so I went inside to get it and ended up staying inside. Because I hadn't thought I'd be staying inside, I left the monitor on out there.

So, the whole neighbourhood just heard us having lunch, me singing goofy songs to the kids, they heard a story about Thomas the Tank Engine and "Lucky the Puppy" and whatever else we've been talking about. Hopefully, they didn't overhear any incidents in the bathroom. And now they're hearing Luke fuss in his crib.

I better get out there and grab it before any other embarressing things occur!

Sweet dreams

We've all had those dreams, right? Where you're eating something really good or doing something really fun and then you wake up and realize you weren't really doing that (or humans really can't fly on their own) and you don't have that food in the house.

Well, the other night I dreamt that I was getting ready for some date with a guy I didn't know (I was single in the dream). As soon as I got dressed and got to the restaurant, all of my friends grabbed me and the guy and said that we had to go to the rehearsal (wedding rehearsal). All of my friends got in their places on the stage, girls on one side, guys on the other. The guy (who had turned into a somewhat creepy guy I went to school with) and I were about to walk down the aisle, when I saw Marc standing with the guy. I got really sad because I didn't want to marry this guy and even though I didn't really know Marc in my dream, I knew if I had to marry someone the next day, I'd want it to be Marc.

Then I woke up. And then I was happy it was just a dream!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Oh the humanity!!

Marc and I and the kids spent Saturday to Monday at Candle Lake with some friends. It was a very relaxing (except for the 2 two-year olds running around!!) extended weekend. Since Sunday was a bust for weather, we spent all afternoon on Monday at the beach. There were no mosquitos to worry about there, but once we got back to the campsite we noticed that they had really come out full force. Luke had slept at the beach and fell asleep in his stroller on the walk home, so we left him outside with his mosquito net around the stroller while Marc, Madeline and I went into the tent to get changed and cleaned up.

I had just finished changing when I heard Luke crying. I thought "oh good, he's up to eat." As I came out of the tent and turned my head, it was like something from a horror movie. I look and I see the mosquito net down at his feet and at least 20 mosquitos swarming all around his face, and he's all squirmy and moving his hands. Cue the dramatic classical music, and the slow-mo of me running with my arms outstretched and yelling "Nooooooo!" as I dive to the stroller, lifting my son up from the carnage, rolling onto the ground and over into the eating tent, safely away from the mosquitos.

Well... what really happened was that I went running to the stroller, yelling "Why is his mosquito net off?!" at Marc, who I was now mad at about the net, (when I had pushed Luke back to camp and left him there and Marc hadn't touched him), grabbed the net and started striking at all the mosquitos around Luke with it (probably muttering curses under my breath -- at the mosquitos, and maybe a few at Marc), and I finally pulled him out and ran to the tent to check out the damage, which was as pictured below.

He hasn't scratched them or been bothered by them too much, and, of course, it's Luke, so he just keeps smiling through it all -- red eyelid, and everything!

What a boy! What a West Nile-infected boy!!

(I guess this picture doesn't really show it that well, and yes the story is mildly exaggerated, but it makes for good entertainment. And there really are about 30 bites on his face.)

Friday, July 15, 2005

I got a (few) poll(s) up my butt (but my brothers have been telling me that for years)

Carl pre-empted me when he said he'd rather describe his cds. I've been planning on doing the book thing for cds and movies for a while, to see if little old me could get something started in blogdom. So here goes:

CDs
Number owned: I'll let Marc count them, but I'd say about 400

Last cd bought: The Isaacs "Bluegrass Preserves" ... good stuff

Recent favourite/new listen: This is hard to answer -- just listened Dixie Chicks "Home" and remembered how much I love it, same with Neil Young "Unplugged". I like the new Coldplay too.

5 cds or artists that are meaningful to you:
(in no particular order)
1) Jane Siberry (Love is Everything, Maria, Teenager, Hush) -- a lot of tears shed over these albums, Teenager is an AMAZING acoustic album
2) KD Lang (Ingenue, Hymns of the 49th Parallel) -- hands down the best concert (for Hymns) I've been to. I could go see her every day.
3) The Gaither Vocal Band (all albums from 1996 to 1999) -- those of you who know me understand why.
4) Bruce Cockburn (Breakfast in New Orleans, Dinner in Timbuktu; Charity of Night) -- reminds me of pining for Marc when he was out treeplanting
5) Steve Bell (Waiting for Aidan, Sons & Daughters, Burning Ember) -- for being Christian music that Marc and I both actually like

Let's play tag:
1) Marc V.
2) Randall
3) Linea L.
4) b-1
5) Carl


Movies
Number owned: didn't count either, but I'd say 200

Last movie bought: The Corporation (excellent documentary previously-viewed at Blockbuster) -- I'm not going to count my Dora the Explorer purchase here

Last movie watched at home: Bend it Like Beckham

Last movie watched at the theatre: Mr. & Mrs. Smith

5 movies that are meaningful to you:

1) The Sound of Music -- has to be #1 b/c I'd watched a few times a day with my granny when I was a kid (not bad for a 3.5 hour movie!)
2) A & E's Pride & Prejudice -- so good (I could watch it over and over, and it's about 6 hours!!)
3) Schindler's List -- made a big impact on me in high school
4) The Christopher Guest collection: Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, A Mighty Wind (funny, funny movies to watch again and again)
5) Dancer in the Dark (starring Bjork, good -- strange -- music, a bit of the Sound of Music, and an amazingly sad story, make this a must-see -- if you don't mind crying for an hour)

Let's play tag:
1) Becky
2) Lauralea
3) sil-1
4) Marc, again
5) b-in-law Andrew
5b) Carl

And, remember, if you don't have your own blog, do your answers in Comments.
Happy tagging.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Do you think it's more hotter or more humider?















Yes. It really was that hot in our house last night.

Doesn't she look comfortable?

Potty-training advice, please

+Last week Madeline announced that she was, at that very second, "going pee-pee in my diaper". That coupled with the fact that she's been waking up with a dry diaper made me think that I should get on the training bandwagon again. We've had some good days, and some not so good days with it so far.

I decided to put her "Dora" panties on her and let her roam around the house in them. She's been very good about telling me that the "pee-pee is coming" and we race off to the potty. She's had 1.5 accidents. Not bad really. And don't worry I've clorox-wiped our kitchen chairs!!

She went once on the potty at about 1pm after a morning of "mommy the pee pee is coming!". That girl can hold her urine. We immediately rushed to Walmart to buy a Hotwheels scooter (R & L, how much do you want for that one at your house, since Hotwheels appears to not make them anymore?) and a Barbie. She was very happy with her baby barbie and all the miniature toys that came with it... luckily. After all she had been chanting for 2 days on the potty "Push it out! Push it out! WAAY out! I want my scooter, so I'll push it out!" (And yes, I made up all the lame songs she sings to herself on the potty.) The next day she went twice on the potty with no fears and not too much stalling.

However, Sunday night we were having company, she needed to have a bath and as soon as she'd get in there she'd panic and say "mommy the pee pee is coming". So we'd take her out and put her on the potty, but she wouldn't go. We'd put her in the tub, but within seconds she'd say she needed her potty. Finally, she started asking for her diaper (and eventually crying for it). We kept saying, but you're on the potty, that's where you're supposed to pee pee. But after a lot of tears and a very irritated mom and dad, we quickly washed all the dirt out of her hair in the bath and threw on a diaper and sent her to bed.

I just don't know how traumatic this training thing is supposed to be. How much should we push her to pee. At some point we feel that we're being cruel for letting her sit on the potty for an hour, and for the last 20 minutes she's crying about the fact that she needs her pull-up or her diaper. Any thoughts (from those of you who have potty-trained... those of you who have no kids, don't know. You may think you do, but you don't).

However, Madeline's been quite entertaining on the potty.
- For example, she gave her own rousing rendition of The Little Engine That Could's classic "I think I can't!".
- I've learned that she doesn't understand what "why" means:
M - "Mommy, I'm scared of the potty."
D - "You don't need to be scared. Why are you scared?"
M - "Because I'm scared of the potty."
D - "Why are you scared of the potty?"
M - "Because I'm scared."
D - "Why are you scared?"
M - "Because I'm scared of the potty."
D - "Why are you scared of the potty?"
M - "Because I'm scared." ...
- That conversation is the same as the one where she asks for her diaper, and when we ask why, it's because she needs her diaper...
- In fact the picture above was taken of my mom coaching her on the phone, and I think the majority of the words out of Madeline's mouth were "well, I need my diaper", "because I need my diaper", "well, I just need my diaper".
- Mom could also tell that I'd been coaching her a bit too much on the potty when Madeline was babbling to herself in the backseat of my mom's car say "When Andrew and Ben (her cousins) go potty, they just relax and let it come..."

She's doing not bad. She announces every time she pees, which is definitely a step, and sometimes even asks if she's allowed to go in her diaper. So, we'll just take it one step at a time.

You've got a real gentle touch there, doctor.

Today I finally did it. I switched dentists. I've never liked the dentist I've had since I was a kid. But when I heard Becky had a good experience with Linea, I thought I would give her a whirl. What a difference. I don't know if it's because I've given birth twice since I've had any major dental work done (and I'm pretty sure that just about anything is less painful than that), or if she really is that good, but it wasn't a bad or painful experience at all. That is until she said those dreaded words... "root canal".

I blame my own stupidity. I had a tooth that cracked and started bothering me when I was pregnant with Madeline 3 years ago. Then it stopped hurting and I totally forgot about it until about the time we started "trying" for Luke. By the time I went to the dentist again I was juat pregnant (as in, I found out the next day) and they couldn't even take any x-rays. So 3 years of having food stuck in that tooth (although I did pretty much floss after every meal because of it) just caught up with me today. But Linea assures me it's not that painful, just time consuming... oh ya, and wallet consuming, but not as bad as I thought... though still bad. Oh well, with 8 years of orthodontic work and my wisdom teeth being pulled as a result and now this root canal, I'll be able to say I've had just about every procedure known to dentists performed on me... well maybe not all, we did discuss a lovely sounding procedure called "skin grafting" -- which luckily I don't need.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Me and My Books

So I got tagged a very long time ago by Becky. But we went on vacation right after that, and I insisted that I include in my book count my books that are still at my parents house to outdo Marc's number. So here's all you need to know about me and my books:

Number of books I own:
Marc and I collectively own about 800 books, 400 of which are mine.

Last book I bought:
What to Expect: The Toddler Years

Last book I Read:
The Story We Find Ourselves In -- Brian D. McLaren

5 books that mean a lot to me:

Phenomenology of Spirit -- G.W.F. Hegel
The best philosophy book ever (okay, and the hardest one to read, too) bar none.
Mere Christianity -- C.S. Lewis
One of the first "apologetic"-type books I read in high school, which unknowingly started my love of philosophy in university.
Freedom of Simplicity -- Richard Foster
A book that helps me get some perspective on life, when one minute I want to be a missionary and sell everything and the next I'm going crazy spending money at Walmart.
A Reasonable Life -- Ference Mate
A great book that I wish I would have read a LONG time ago (it would have saved a lot of fights with you, Darren & Mel :)!! ).
Heaven is Not My Home -- Paul Marshall
Amazing book that turned my whole view of life upside down.

Tag 5 more:
Well, since everyone I read has been tagged, I want to tag some of my readers. Write your answers as a comment here. So I choose to tag:
1) Carl
2) PJ
3) Ang
4) Mel
5) Raven

Mama... can I play with my toys?

I've always been pleased with Madeline's personality. She's not one of those kids that you have to worry about taking off on you when you're in public, she's pretty calm, plays quietly (even lays on the couch for sometimes a half an hour listening to music), cautious about things that it's good to be cautious about. But I've been learning lately that there's no way to have the perfect balance of cautiousness and independence, outgoing and quiet, etc. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I don't have a crazy, wild child, but I do get tired of the incessant questions and the excessive neediness. I'm glad she doesn't just run onto the street or somewhere else without asking, but I think she goes a bit too far when she'll ask "mama.. can I play with my toys?"

Stay tuned for more of Madeline neuroses and the neuroses of the person she inherited them from (me).

"Thank you, Father"

Apologies. I have probably now officially lost the rest of the readership that was not already lost on my vacation blogging hiatus a few weeks back, but it's 30 degrees and I have a garden and a 2 year old that loves to be outside (and is potting training, but that's another post altogether), so who can blame me.

Marc suggested I post a thought that I had while telling Madeline her bedtime Bible story. We tell Madeline a Bible story (and a "story elk", someday I'll explain that one) every night -- the same story for one week. For a while we would have a saying for her to say at some point in the story (like then Samson said "Oh no! My hair!"; King Nebuchadnezzar said "Hey, there's four guys in there"; and then your run of the mill Moses said "Let my people go!"), but we've been a bit slack on the sayings lately.

I've found that telling the Bible stories in a way that Madeline will grasp the concept and the purpose has made me see the stories in a whole new way. Like the other day I told her the story again about the loaves and fishes. I had always thought that the point of the stories was the miracle that the few loaves and fishes were made into enough to feed the thousands of people there that day. But then I thought, what if the point we're supposed to get from it is that Jesus said "thank you, father" (or whatever he actually said -- that was Madeline's phrase) over the meager offering, and his thankfulness for that little bit is what made it enough. I'm sure there's all sorts of things to get out of it, but I'd never thought of that before.